Tuesday, September 16, 2014

the evidence

"Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well poetry is just the ash"
-Leonard Cohen

I came across this quote today and it caused me to wonder whether my life is burning well right now. I feel like it burns with chaos mostly. Mainly the chaos of my own confused mind half the time. And I suppose that is its own unique sort of burning. Some things never change. But the poetry is not coming fast or easily to me at this time, and that bothers me. It could be that I need to exercise some other art form right now. It could be due to the fact that many changes are on the horizon, and the shape of my life is evolving in ways that I did not expect them to....at least not right now. Changes can sometimes turn ones world around. Even the very good and life giving ones. 

The main burning for me right now is that of love - quite unexpected - which I thought had left me behind for good. I had all but resigned myself to a kind of monastic, mostly solitary life. I think up until pretty recently I had convinced myself that I didn't want or need the love of a partner and had become impervious to it. (Truthfully there still is some part of me that feels drawn to the life of a monk) But as of a couple of weeks ago I'm engaged to be married. So that whole nun thing is not gonna happen.

Yes it's true. I'm engaged. For the second time in my life....which feels a little weird. But it feels more right and natural than anything else. More right than anything before, actually. I am beyond floored and thankful that I've actually found someone I know I can't live without, and who can't live without me. Miracles do happen.....right when you least expect them to.

So I guess in some ways my life is burning. Just not with poetry at the moment. I almost feel too full of words that I can't figure out how to concisely express yet. It needs time to settle. I've become somewhat used to life throwing me curve balls - both bad and good - and I know it takes time for me to process these kinds of changes. 

My hope is that the evidence of this joyful time of life transition will show up in my art, in poetry, music....in whatever way. Because I want something to show for the love and gratitude I feel.

There is my September entry. 
Burn it up,

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