Revolution of this heart

"The greatest challenge of the day is: How to bring about a revolution of the heart, a revolution that has to start with each one of us?" -Dorothy Day
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Here's a strange thing:
Yesterday morning i was waking down my street, the sun was ablaze, the birds were tweeting and all was well....until i got to the corner of King and Close, and a woman 2 yards away from me starts running after this random man with a huge shard of glass in her hand trying to stab him! And this in front of all these school children! It was like a bad scene from a chuckie movie. Thankfully, after a bunch of people jumped on her it was all good...nobody was hurt. If it werent so horrifying it would have been helarious as she was yelling the whole time "I'm an undercover narrcotics officer you mother#%@#ing sons of bitches!!" Needless to say, this was clearly not the case.

These are the people in your neighborhood.
They're the people that you meet
each
day.

In other news...
I have decided to take a break for a month...at least...as much of a break as i am able. Have been recognizing that I'm running on less than fumes - and it's time for a serious rest. Which i am looking forward to. I get to spend one whole glorious week alone in Shelleys apartment while she is at Loyola..then back to Zac's for 5 days...and then off to Ottawa for 2 whole weeks. yipppeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

Since entering into the Catholic Worker world and living in Zacchaeus House, this house of hospitality, I have:
-had moments of beauty never before experienced.
-observed myself at my shining best and my ugliest worst.
-observed others at thier shining best and ugliest worst.
-felt whole and accepted in a way i did not think was possible.
-have experienced inner poverty like never before.
-have loved and been loved beyond reason and logic.
-have been so lonely i have almost doubled over from the pain of it.
-have had moments of blissful happiness in arms of community and around the table that we share
-have been a student of my masters - the true teachers: the poor and the dis-placed.
-have realized that i am also just as poor and displaced
-have questioned myself and my abilities and my calling, as a human, as a christ-follower, like never before.
-have seen depths of conceit in myself that has shamed me

SOmetimes this is a terrible and beautiful place to be. Sometimes it seems like too much to handle. SOmetimes it seems like the rest of the world is too much to handle. It seems the longer I am here the more i think the the society I am a part of is a sinking ship that is unaware of the depths to which it has sunk - and is sinking. And most of my peers are buying into the isolation, the oneupmanship, the dog-eat-dog mentality even if it is dressed up as poiliteness or religion or intellectualism or spirituality or what have you. I myself have bought into it. We are all so full of fear, we are all unsure of who we are, and we are all so afraid to fess up to it....because we lack the experience of true community. We will not allow oursleves to be held by the other. We live in a world where vulnerability is scorned and we therefore are are not allowed to unveil our true selves.
The other day a dear and wise friend and community member said something to me...his words and his eyes pierced me when he said:
"Julia, I don't think you have learned how to recognize your beauty. You are still in hiding"

I don't want to live up to some ghostly standard. I don't want to live in accordance with anyone else's standard. I want to be Julia (Whoever you are who is reading this...I want you to be you. It's a tought job, but who else is going to do it?) Living here has been one giant and terrifying step out of hiding. I will learn. Slowly. Painfully. Joyfully.

Peace,
-Julia